I love my life

Love.  The last month in Samara has been amazing.  I have always like Costa Rica, since the first time I came in 2006.  But having spent the last month in one place.. well it's just been great.  I don't know if it's because its Costa Rica, and Ticos are friendly and relaxed, but I have just had a great time.  Or perhaps its because I have been living in a beach town. I don't know.

SO whats so great about what Im up to...

Me time.  This journey is about me.  My life and what I want to do with it.  I have had time to be myself.  To be in a place where no one knows me.  The person I am truly comes out because I have no history with anyone there.  I went to San Jose a couple weeks into my stay in Samara to visit my Cousin Fer.  He mentioned this and I honestly had no idea was he was talking about until just a few days ago.  When you travel with people you know, you are really connected to them.  Thus when you meet new people, you have this counterpart- this can be good or bad, but this counterpart no less, is a part of you whether you like it or not... SO by having been "alone" for the last couple of weeks, I have been able to make decisions based on whatever I want. NObody else.  Just me, and if you haven't done this you should because its an amazing feeling.  I know it sounds obvious, but I don't think many people get to live like that.  Plus I don't want to live like that always, but now its nice to be able to think about one, and only one person.  Life is short.  Live it how you want to.  If youre not happy change it.  I understand that somethings are beyond our control and sometimes its not 'that' easy to change, but you can.  Small steps... they will eventually get you where you want to be, or where you 'should be'.  I don't know if I believe in destiny, but I believe that everything happens for a reason... I found that when I think I know everything, I think that I have the plan, I know the way--- everything flips- and we have to listen to this flip- we can't plan so far ahead because by doing so we miss out on the here and now. I don't know whats going to happen in the future, I can only try to live each day to the max- and whatever the max is for me...on that given day.  No I don't go sky diving everyday, nor do I want to. For instance sometimes, sleeping and relaxing for an entire day may be the "MAX" because thats what you want to do, and what your body wants. And there is nothing wrong with that (I just wouldnt recommend doing it everyday- theres a lot of good stuff out there)...   I guess all Im trying to say is do what you want to do.

Not to get biblical (I think this coming quote is related to the bible, no sure- lil help?), but all this reminds me of the saying "I accept the things I cannot change, and have the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".    I went to an Al-Anon meeting before I left on my trip.  I found it really useful and this phrase really stayed with me... Its a lot easier said then done, but if helped me I realize that I have been living my life for other people.  Not completely, but I worry a lot about what other people think, well more about how other people feel. I worry so much about other peoples happiness that I often put my own on the back burner, and that is NOT right.  I got one shot at this life and I want to be happy.  And the best thing, in the last few weeks I have been so happy! Why?! you might ask....

I work with children
I laugh everyday
I have creative freedom at my 'job' (they don't pay me, so I can't really call is a job.... not yet anyway)
I bike to work- half the time on the beach
I dont have a TV and I dont miss it- instead I play cards and read
I live 50mts for the ocean
I walk out of the 'office' and all I see is the ocean and palmtrees
I had a stock of platains outside of my front door- ready to eat whenever I want
I eat fresh fish of dinner (or any seafood for that matter)
I am learning to surf
I sleep with a fan and a sheet
I shower without hot water
I cook at home- yucas, platains, papas, huevos, arroz, frijoles etc
I can make tortillas- from masa
The only thing that I could think of that I was missin in my little apartment the other night was a pen
My biggest complain in the neighborhood is a goose that just wants to be hugged (seriously)

Now Im not saying that you need to do these things above to be happy, but perhaps you need to find these things that make you happy.  It might not be the sunny beach town, but perhaps the snowy mountains of the alps, or the concrete jungle of NYC or the hot deserts of New Mexico.. I don't know, but wherever it is.. it is, its out there.  ...

So a long story short...I don't know if I can change the world. But I can change MY WORLD- the world around me, no matter how small it may be- and if I can live in the world, this world that I want to live in and be happy, thats all I need.  If Im not happy doing something, then I should do something else. This is why I have been so happy in the last few weeks, because I realized what I want from this world.  I want to be able to work with children and make their futures bright, even just make their day bright, an hour or even a minute- by doing so  I hope that they pass that light and continue to make their world a little better, step by step, day by day.  Really thats all I can ask for. I think thats my ticket. Thats my task. And Im so happy that I like it.