Pirate Racoon
I recall on of my first nights in Samara- I was getting ready for bed and I had left the door open with the Puerton shut- thats the security door that just looks like bars- people can't get through, but a small dog or cat can easily pass. SO I was washing my face- back to the door- contacts out when I hear a noise- strange- what could that be... I turn around, but I don't see anything unusual. I continue to wash my face when I hear the rustling again, okay, not cool! SO I walk into the kitchen- remember, no contacts - vision = bad, but I see that some of the garbage in on the floor- thats odd. I could have sworn I had thrown it in the bin... hmmphf- I return to the bathroom and then out of the corner of my eye I see something enter my kitchen! Or crap! What was that! I turn to look! A MAPACHE! A RACOON! IN MY HOUSE! EEK! I holler- she runs out- oh gross- I don't mind animals, but racoons- they just seem dirty to me. I approach the puerton- she is still pretty darn close to my door- she only has one eye- geez second night here and I have a one eyed racoon trying to steal my garabage. Well I can't have this. I like animals but I don't want this pirate racoon to think that we can make a habit of this so I tell her to scram- she's not into it. In the commotion, my Italian Neighbor and his friend think its a good idea to feed her, they were convienced she was preggers... I can't be sure, but... I just remember thinking.... Great- feed the one eyed racoon a piece of bread right infront of my house- now she'll never come back here- NOT. But actually, she was sweet and she slowly walked to Fransico and took the piece of bread with her little black hands (they have hands you know) and he ate the bread slowly, keeping an eye on us at all times... and then she left.... Actually to my surpise I never saw her again. I hoped that she left the neighborhood and had babies or something, but once I got to know some more people in my hood, I found out they killed her. sad. Well at least I thats what I think happened. I don't think I will ever know....
SO first a priate racoon, and then the goose that just didn't give up. SO one day I come home and I see that my neighbors friend Fransico is holding a big white goose. Interesting. Actually I think its pretty cool. Geese always kinda freaked me out, and to see Fransico holding one without it pecking his eyes out, im intrigued. Fransico said that the Goose is his... More intrigued. SO I guess what happened is Fransico sold some geese to the neighbors (how, when, why, where he had these geese I didn't ask, but yeah) so he was the previous owner, and this one goose was fond of him. Fine. But the downside to this goose that whats a hug is that when it thinks it sees Fransico... well it comes over. Great- If Fransico is around, goosie gets a hug- but if Fransico is not around.. goosie SQUAWKS! and guess where goosie squawks.... in front of my house- my puerton. GENIAL Goosie. genial.... SO for about a week- before I left for Mexico on the 17th of Dec. I have had a goose BARKING in front of my door.. when you might ask? Well of course, no morning would be complete without a goose outside your door at 6:30am! Wonderful the sun! I can't wait to go outside- wait- SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK! Now normally I don't think I would mind, but this little fucker doesn't get the drift. I don't touch him/her, nor pick it up. I usually just yell and look for a stick to chase it away with, but nope... that doesn't work. SO I started to pick it up and carry it into the street and bring it to the other geese- I dont' know why shes not happy with them. BUT there another problem arises- there is a Ganzo super bravo amongst them, and when I approach- she attacks.
Goose Attack- SO I have been disturbed for the fourth morning in a row- this goose is gonna die- I awake up- pick up the goose- carry the goose into the street- plop her down, she follows me. I grab a stick, smack her a little (my landlord really gave hit her one time, but I don't have the heart,) so I just kinda smack her- and she slowly walks away- but as I follow her to make sure she doesn't return- the OTHER GOOSE starts coming at me- Im talking head neck down- wings out- she means business- oh and shes hissing- so I turn around as fast as I can- Im running down the dirt road- in my Pjs- Flip flops on- runningn from a goose! I turn to the left to get home- I lose a flip flop- I am running on gravel- OUCH- white gravel- common for drive ways is prolly the the worst thing to be walking on- let alone running on- but there is a MAD goose behind me! OOOSH I make it into my house- F#%K! I really don't want to have to deal with this anymore... SO I show my white flag- I surrend goose.
My plan is to ignore her. I don't care- squawk all you want dumb gonzo- you are dead to me- I really want to kill it, but I don't want that death on my hands- my friend says the dreams wouldn't be worth it, and I agree- Karma is a tough cookie. I recall after one of the times I chased it away, my landlord even says she wants to buy it and make a soup- cool- but I don't know if Id eat it. Again- Karma- but it would be a happy bird- happy meal to eat- I have to think about it. But My landlord was serious when she said she lost a tenant over the goose.
Where I live its a 2 story building and this goose used to go up to the second floor and harrass this girl- SQUAWKING until she eventually moved out. I guess that could be me- but for that reason I put up my white flag-
But I kid you not- my last day there- Dec. 17th- I was all packed and ready to leave that the goose must have wanted to say goodbye- but this time, she was tooo close to me. And when I motioned for her to scram- she started to HISS! THis is new for her, and I didn't like it. She was way to close to me and hissing, meanwhile I am laughing awkwardly because- well because, this is a messed up situation! SO I start to leave- goosie follows me- I wave my jacket at goosie- but she persues- its like Im a MATADOR FOR A F-ING GOOSE! This has got to end- thankfully I did my like matador/bullfighting with a goose in front of my Landlords house- so hopefully she saw- and hopefully she will do something about him while Im gone. Actually now that I think about it.. I also hope she says me a little bit of goose soup--- I mean, don't they say- vengeance taste sweet? Venganza sabe dulce, no?
SO first a priate racoon, and then the goose that just didn't give up. SO one day I come home and I see that my neighbors friend Fransico is holding a big white goose. Interesting. Actually I think its pretty cool. Geese always kinda freaked me out, and to see Fransico holding one without it pecking his eyes out, im intrigued. Fransico said that the Goose is his... More intrigued. SO I guess what happened is Fransico sold some geese to the neighbors (how, when, why, where he had these geese I didn't ask, but yeah) so he was the previous owner, and this one goose was fond of him. Fine. But the downside to this goose that whats a hug is that when it thinks it sees Fransico... well it comes over. Great- If Fransico is around, goosie gets a hug- but if Fransico is not around.. goosie SQUAWKS! and guess where goosie squawks.... in front of my house- my puerton. GENIAL Goosie. genial.... SO for about a week- before I left for Mexico on the 17th of Dec. I have had a goose BARKING in front of my door.. when you might ask? Well of course, no morning would be complete without a goose outside your door at 6:30am! Wonderful the sun! I can't wait to go outside- wait- SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK! Now normally I don't think I would mind, but this little fucker doesn't get the drift. I don't touch him/her, nor pick it up. I usually just yell and look for a stick to chase it away with, but nope... that doesn't work. SO I started to pick it up and carry it into the street and bring it to the other geese- I dont' know why shes not happy with them. BUT there another problem arises- there is a Ganzo super bravo amongst them, and when I approach- she attacks.
Goose Attack- SO I have been disturbed for the fourth morning in a row- this goose is gonna die- I awake up- pick up the goose- carry the goose into the street- plop her down, she follows me. I grab a stick, smack her a little (my landlord really gave hit her one time, but I don't have the heart,) so I just kinda smack her- and she slowly walks away- but as I follow her to make sure she doesn't return- the OTHER GOOSE starts coming at me- Im talking head neck down- wings out- she means business- oh and shes hissing- so I turn around as fast as I can- Im running down the dirt road- in my Pjs- Flip flops on- runningn from a goose! I turn to the left to get home- I lose a flip flop- I am running on gravel- OUCH- white gravel- common for drive ways is prolly the the worst thing to be walking on- let alone running on- but there is a MAD goose behind me! OOOSH I make it into my house- F#%K! I really don't want to have to deal with this anymore... SO I show my white flag- I surrend goose.
My plan is to ignore her. I don't care- squawk all you want dumb gonzo- you are dead to me- I really want to kill it, but I don't want that death on my hands- my friend says the dreams wouldn't be worth it, and I agree- Karma is a tough cookie. I recall after one of the times I chased it away, my landlord even says she wants to buy it and make a soup- cool- but I don't know if Id eat it. Again- Karma- but it would be a happy bird- happy meal to eat- I have to think about it. But My landlord was serious when she said she lost a tenant over the goose.
Where I live its a 2 story building and this goose used to go up to the second floor and harrass this girl- SQUAWKING until she eventually moved out. I guess that could be me- but for that reason I put up my white flag-
But I kid you not- my last day there- Dec. 17th- I was all packed and ready to leave that the goose must have wanted to say goodbye- but this time, she was tooo close to me. And when I motioned for her to scram- she started to HISS! THis is new for her, and I didn't like it. She was way to close to me and hissing, meanwhile I am laughing awkwardly because- well because, this is a messed up situation! SO I start to leave- goosie follows me- I wave my jacket at goosie- but she persues- its like Im a MATADOR FOR A F-ING GOOSE! This has got to end- thankfully I did my like matador/bullfighting with a goose in front of my Landlords house- so hopefully she saw- and hopefully she will do something about him while Im gone. Actually now that I think about it.. I also hope she says me a little bit of goose soup--- I mean, don't they say- vengeance taste sweet? Venganza sabe dulce, no?
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